Dan is back from his two-week holiday in Florida tomorrow morning EEEEE. I’m going to get the bus and train to his as soon as I wake hehehe. I really can’t wait. I’ve missed him so much, my heart aches, and I’ll finally be back in his arms. Where I belong. Hehehe :)

I could rant on and on, but I’m about to go to Vintage rockbar to play open mic night, Chris & Becky are picking me up any time now :) Aurovoir! :)

I usually complain at how time flies by so quickly, but since my boyfriend went on holiday to Florida last thursday with his family and isn’t back until next Friday (11 days to go!) I would really like to apologise to time for all my whining and that I actually don’t mind if it goes by quickly anymore, well up until that Friday that is. So please Mister clock, ZOOOOOOM by quicker than ever :) I will even cheer you on! :P
I miss Dan so much :(, I’m waiting on skype now for him to finally speak- they’re five hours behind over there! I’d give anything to be with him now all snuggled up in bed warm and safe and sleeping together…. The bestest place on earth to me, in his arms, I just want to be back in them. <3

I absolutely cannot wait to move out… Such as just now, laid in bed on my laptop in the dark, about to watch a film to relax and sleep early (for me anyway!) to get up for my job interview. Mum opens my door suddenly, turning my light on so she can see in my brother and sister’s bedroom saying, “You’re on that anyway, you’re not sleeping.”
I replied, “I plan to. I’ve got to get up early.”
She then goes on to say, “All you’ve been doing all day is being in your room. Couldn’t even come down to help me with these, selfish cow.” My brother Thomas is 7 (today!), and my sister Jasmine is 4, Thomas is autistic and she hasn’t disciplined either into a proper bedtime and complains about this endlessly as if it isn’t her fault. Ever since their dad, Matt, left when I was 16 (nearly 4 years ago), she’s expected me to take some sort of parenting role. I babysit weekly for her to go out on dates etc, and yes I’ve mostly got paid a tenner for it, but sometimes I’ve done hours for free/to be a help and pick up my sister from school all of the time etc…
She carried on at me, “Why do you sit in your room, doing nothing? You should be down helping me, so selfish, you’ll only do it if you’re getting paid.” Which is very wrong, I always help her and tend to her every need, whenever she shouts for help etc, but this time she shouted earlier I was on the phone. Talking to my friend. I can’t even sit in my room and talk on the phone for awhile without her shouting at me to help her.
When I loudly replied that I do help her, and that I should be allowed to be in my room. And that noone my age has to constantly be downstairs, or made to feel like they’re stepping on eggshells just for sitting in their room alone. It’s so not right :(

It’s always been like this, well, especially since Thomas and Jasmine’s dad left and never sees them… It’s nothing to do with me, I’m helpful enough and nice, what more does she want…
“Go live with your dad then, if you’re not going to help me.” What the hell, threatening to kick me out (I’ve lost count at how many times she has) just for that. Proper weirdo. :/ What nineteen year old girl has to babysit constantly? They’re not my children, I just want to be left alone. I just feel like she’s taking away my experience with having children by having to look after hers. Its just nobody I know has this. I go to my boyfriend’s and we can go sit in his room and never get hassled. Really upsets me that everyone seems to have it better, and that my only escape route is my dad’s who isn’t too keen on me living there as he works away through the week so I’d be alone, and I don’t really want that either, will just have to wait till I have a job so I can move properly…
It was really bad a couple of years ago though, when she first became a single mum etc, I never got to be in my room without her shouting and lately it’s been better- less hassle, apart from right now of course. Siiiiiiiiiiigh. No wonder I act like a child, forever being treated like one. I hate how she insults me too, whenever she is under stress or isn’t getting her own way. :(
Not only that, I have a seventeen year old brother in the room next to me who hardly ever gets shouted, and he gets left to be in bed on his laptop all day and night as much as he pleases. I said this to her, but all she said was, “He should help too.” But then carried on having a go at me, probably because I’m softer/kinder than he is. He argues back and she listens to him though, whenever I argue back she tells me off and calls me names. Urgh. :’(
Rant over…